Thought Life

A few months ago I officially had the worst melt down of my adult life. As most of you know, my body has been riddled with injuries ever since the Marathon back in October. I broke my foot, then got tendonitis in my left knee, then tore some cartilage in that knee. God healed me, then I got tendonitis again, went to physical therapy, my left knee healed up, tendonitis in my right knee. Then I injured my IT Band in my right knee, then I got IT Band syndrome in my left knee, which I’ve been battling for two months now. Needles to say this whole experience has been pure torture for me; once one injury is healed up another one begins. It’s been agonizing because all I want to do is run! I even dream about it at night. I have vivid dreams of lacing up my tennies, walking out my door and running for miles with out any pain anywhere. But then I wake up to shooting pain in my knee, and I remember that I haven’t run without pain since October, which brings me back to the story of my melt down. It was a Friday and one of the first warm days of the year. I was feeling good and so I decided I would try jogging slowly outside again. So I put on both knee braces and headed out into the sunshine for a 2 mile jog. I had all my old running songs blaring in my ears and the first half mile felt glorious. Then the pain started setting in; I gritted my teeth and kept going, but it only got worse, it became sharper and more severe and I had to stop and walk. The moment I stopped the pain left, but a rush of self defeating thoughts came flooding into my head. “What did you expect? You’re never going to be able to run again, you can’t even jog. You’re done, go home.” I started praying, “God I need you right now, you said you would give me the desires for my heart if I delighted in you and you know that I do, you know that I do, please release me to run, I just want to feel what it feels like to run again, I can’t do this anymore please tell the pain to go away!” I took off again into a jog, and made it another quarter of mile before the pain returned only this time it was debilitating, it took my breath away and I had to stop again. Tears welled in my eyes, and then I lost it. I was walking down Cleveland Ave. crying uncontrollably. The thoughts returned and had their way with me. I thought, “That’s it, you’re done, you’re no longer a runner, just give up, you were stupid for even coming out here and thinking things would change, no more races, no more evening runs, just go home.” And I turned to walk home; I’ve never felt more discouraged, more defeated, and depressed in my entire life. But that’s when this song came on, called Pain by this Beautiful Republic, and I was walking home with the lead singer yelling in my ears, “Endure the pain to find no pain at all!” And that’s when it happened; I took of into a run, not a slow jog, a run, my old pace, the way I used to run six months ago. The pain was instantaneous, sharp, stabbing pain. Tears were streaming down my face, and I lost it, I just started yelling out loud as I was running down the street crying. “I don’t care, I don’t even care anymore, screw you pain! What are you going to do, hurt me? I’m already hurt. I’ve been hurt, you can’t stop me anymore, screw you pain, I’m done with you, I’m not a walker, I’m not a jogger, I’m a runner, I’m a runner, screw you pain, I’m an overcomer” And that’s when I saw a guy on his front porch smoking a cigarette, his mouth was open in shock as he watched me run by crying yelling, “screw you pain I’m a runner I’m an overcomer!” I made it all the way home running strong just like I used to. I clapped and started shouting praises to God, and then walked inside. Kristin saw me with red eyes looking all disheveled. And she said, “Are you ok?” I just broke down crying again, and told her the story, and then we both laughed really hard about it, because it really must have been a sight for anyone who saw me.

At first I considered this episode of mine to be a severe mental breakdown. But after some reflection I think it was more like a severe mental break through. I mean if you think about it nothing about my circumstances changed, I was in pain when I wanted to give up and never run again, and I was in pain when I was yelling I’m an overcomer. The only thing that changed was my thinking. I went from entertaining self defeating thoughts, to entertaining victorious thoughts. And for the rest of that day, and everyday since then, I’ve been thinking like an overcomer, and after a little bit of time, wouldn’t you know I’ve started acting like an overcomer. And now I’m back up to four miles running not jogging, and I feel like I’m beginning to actually be an overcomer.

Honestly though, I don’t think most of us have any clue just how powerful our thoughts are or just how much they can shape and mold us. The way we think might not change our circumstances, our thoughts might not affect our parent’s relationship or our dad’s illness, or the pain someone caused us. But it will affect our outlook, it will change our perspective, it will affect our attitude, and it will change who we are as a person. Most of us have no idea just how true that is. Most of us we don’t even pay attention to our thought patterns. But we all have these routine things that we think about. For a while I was routinely thinking about how much pain I was in and how awful that was. Now I routinely think about overcoming the pain and not giving up. But what about you? Let me ask you; Have you ever stopped to notice or pay attention to the state of your thought life? I mean, what do you mostly think about during the day, what thoughts do you usually think about yourself, about the way you look or talk or act? What do you think about your friends, about your teachers your parents, what do you think about when your mind is restless, wandering, or scattered?

A little while ago I was reading in this book about the synapses in our brains that cause thought patterns. And they were saying that the more you think about a certain thing like for example your looks, the more you obsess over your appearance, your hair your weight, your muscles or lack thereof. The path that those thoughts travel down in your brain becomes thicker and stronger. Your thoughts literally shape your brain, which in turn shapes who you are as a person. The more you think about certain things the thicker and wider those synapses become, and the less you think about them the thinner they become, and just like a bus route with no traffic, that route can close down all together. So if you practice thinking good thoughts your brain will take a new shape. If you practice thinking about faith hope and love your brain will literally build a highway for those thoughts and it will become more and more natural for you to think and act like a faithful, hopeful loving person. Because you are what you think. Regardless of our situation, or of what life might throw at us; we can change, we can be transformed, but it begins by changing the way we think.

Romans 12:2
2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Romans 8:5-7
6 So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.

Philippians 4:8
8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.