Free Love

I first started working at the Minnie Hopkins Neighborhood center when I was twenty years old. It was my first job that was based purely around helping people, loving and mentoring guys who were younger than me. My actual job was to oversee programs, like the free art classes, free violin classes, and the basketball league we had. But the main point of everything was to build relationships with the guys there and try to mentor them, to try to show them God’s love. The first guy that I really got to know was this kid who we’ll call Chris. Chris is an awesome guy, and we became great friends, and in way I became sort of a big brother to him. But I have to tell you it wasn’t hard to like Chris or to mentor him. He was a cool kid, witty, funny, and full of ambition. I also had a great deal of compassion for him because I took the time to really get to know him and hear his story.

But at the same time that I was mentoring Chris there was this other kid who we’ll call Matt. I also tried to mentor him, to be there for him and to love him the way I know God loves him, but that was a little more difficult. This kid was not easy to get along with. He was neither witty nor funny, but just obnoxious, mouthy and disrespectful. He nick named me Sweet Cheeks for no apparent reason, which I found less than amusing. He was hot headed, arrogant, and always talked about girls as if they were property to be used. Once in a bible study he actually asked me if it was a sin to beat his girlfriend. To round it off he was also a liar and a thief, and he drove me absolutely nuts. Well one day I was hanging out with Chris and Matt and somehow we got on the topic of God’s love, and I was telling them about God’s love for us and how we are to love others how he loves us. And Matt chimed in, “but you don’t do that.” I said, “I try to, I try to love you guys how I know God does,” and Matt busted up laughing, and said, “you don’t love me guy, man you don’t even like me …its cool though.” I said, “I like you, what are you talking about?” But then he said, “Man you take Chris out for his birthday, you buy him stuff, you guys are always together, and you just fake with me! You can say you love me man, but I know the truth, but it’s aaiight.” His words shredded and stabbed like daggers in my heart. I felt exposed, and there was nothing I could I do, there were no words to cover myself with, because he was right. He showed me my hypocrisy, my heart that did not match my words or my beliefs. I have always said that I want to love like God loves, but God’s love is unconditional, and my love has been extremely conditional. God’s love is free for everyone and my love, well my love was not free, but had to be earned. Some years later I realized why I did this, because like most people I was using love like money.


We do this all the time, we use love like we use tips at a restaurant. We leave big tips for those who treat us good, and we stiff those who don’t. If they don’t meet our needs; if they aren’t valuable to us, we won’t spend precious love on them. Donald Miller makes a great point about this in his book, Blue Like Jazz. To paraphrase him, He said, think about some of the words and the metaphors we use to describe relationships. We say things like, we value people, we invest in people, we treasure our relationships, relationships can go bankrupt, love is priceless. Did you notice that those were all economic metaphors? Do you see what we have done; we have taken love and began using it like money. We all do this; we spend love lavishly on the people in our life who we value, or on those who we want to love us back. So in a way what we try and do is purchase their love through gifts, through affection, compliments, and time spent with them. We use love like money to get what we want. It is actually quite selfish isn’t it? Which says something seeing as real love is not self seeking. But just look around and you’ll see this happening, you’ll see it in the work place; people spending generous amounts of love on the "higher ups" trying to purchase a promotion. At home you’ll find the father whose always gone purchasing extravagant gifts for his child in an attempt to buy his affection. At school you’ll see girls selling their bodies and their dignity for some guy’s attention, for some guy’s love. You will also see that guys are well aware of this, and they’ll easily spend their love like dollar bills on whatever a girl is willing to sell. Just like money so many of us use love to manipulate, to get what we want and to punish those who we don’t like. We buy, sell, and trade love all the time. But that is not how God loves, and as his followers we are called to love like Him. To love unconditionally, to love anyone and everyone, to love without hidden motives or agenda’s, to love without expecting anything in return, love that is selfless, love that is free. I wonder if I had been tough enough to really love Matt. To love him until he could feel how much God loves him, just maybe he would not be sitting in a prison cell right now for armed robbery. I don’t know, but maybe, because real love has the power to change a person’s life.

Ephesians 5
1 Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. 2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.